hurting for others while feeling unable to help
Empathy fatigue vs compassion fatigue
empathy fatigue occurs when, despite one’s own wounds being re-triggered by the circumstances, traumas, and pain of others, people feel less able to offer support.
compassion fatigue is also known as secondary traumatic stress. This may occur when a person who normally feels motivated to help others that are struggling with physical or emotional wounds, suddenly feels less able to care.
In most cases of burnout, empathy fatigue is at play.
Causes
- Poorly set boundaries (spatial, temporal, emotional)
- An overwhelming number of stressors
Solutions
- Identify priorities (self care is #1), constraints, and relieve yourself of duties you’ve taken on that you can’t handle
- Establish spatial and temporal boundaries - routinely spend time away from the stressors; have an escape (that’s healthy such as the gym, not just mind-numbing/distracting e.g. web browsing)
- Establish emotional boundaries - detach.
- When other people need help and you feel like you can help, you are not obligated to help. Are you the right person to help? Are you responsible for their problems?
- Affective empathy is not a pre-req for compassion. You don’t have to suffer with them. Taking on their pain won’t help them. It’s hard to offer support when you are in distress.
- Know that things are never as bad as they seem. Pain is temporary and all problems are solvable.
- Label what you’re feeling. It helps to distance yourself from your emotions.
- Is it your feeling or someone else’s? If it’s not yours, you can let it go without processing it.
- Take a deep breath and visualize it leaving you. Visualize a glass wall/energy shield protecting you from things you don’t want to feel.
- Offer support by asking what they plan to do about it and how they can prevent this in the future
you need to gain control over your innate tendency to want to offer by understanding why you offer. Is it to distract from your own problems? Is it because you enjoy being a hero? Is it because you feel in some way responsible for the world’s problems and want to make amends?